In life, do we often have such complaints, or hear other people’s complaints,
I always feel that other people’s husbands and wives are pretty good, but they always have various shortcomings;Children from other people’s families have better grades than their own, and the ones who are longer are also cuter than their own;Other people’s cars and houses look more comfortable than their own;Others put on makeup and nails are better than their own;...These people always think that the things in other people's homes are the best, always admire others, and always sigh why our family's things are so bad, and our family's things are not as good as others.
Why do people have such thoughts? Analyzing it from psychology, maybe it will give you the answer.
1. Perspective produced by psychological distance
Psychological distance refers to the degree of an individual’s subjective feeling of being close to, accepting, or difficult to get along with another body or group. It is expressed as the degree of density in feelings, attitudes and behaviors. The stray person has a long psychological distance, and the close person has a close psychological distance.
It is said that distance produces beauty.
When we evaluate a person, we will evaluate it according to the degree of intimacy with that person and the quality of the relationship. The closer the person is, the smaller the distance of the psychological defense space, and the psychological distance is basically zero.
For example, my own mother would often tell outsiders how lazy she is, and she would never do anything on her bed every day when she played with her mobile phone. When she sees a girl from a certain family who happens to be doing sanitation, she will feel that your girl is so diligent, and my girl is not as good as yours.
Some researchers have found that psychological distance can affect people’s perspective on a problem , that is, the closer the psychological distance, the more specific people’s perspective on it.
Therefore, when parents evaluate their children and couples when evaluating each other, they will evaluate each other from various angles, such as living habits, hobbies, personality growth, etc. For others, because of the greater psychological distance, they will compare their views on problems. Single, they can only make themselves feel that others’ homes are excellent and others’ homes are good from a single aspect of their excellence.
2. Caused by hemianopia
A psychologist has analyzed from a psychological perspective, and always compares his own home with others' homes. This is a kind of "hemian blindness ."
It's like wearing colored glasses, always selectively remembering and judging people and things around you, and finally becoming a comparability and competition, turning a blind eye to the advantages of people around you, and turning a blind eye to your own gains and growth in life. .
In this mentality, the boss will think that other people’s employees work harder and more dedicated, the wife will think that other people’s husbands are more caring and considerate; the parents think that other people’s children are better and smarter.
This kind of person will only use a magnifying glass to look at the various advantages of other people's homes, thus ignoring their own advantages, and thus think that other people's homes are always the best.
When we evaluate a person or make comparisons, we are usually unconscious. We subconsciously hope that our own can be better, so we found out their various shortcomings to criticize and criticize. But what we don't know is that this phenomenon of mutual comparison is extremely easy to cause psychological harm to those closest to us, discourage enthusiasm, and cause a lack of self-confidence.
We must understand that no one is perfect. Everyone has their own unique abilities and strengths. What we need is to tap the other's strengths and amplify them. For the other's shortcomings, we need to be tolerant.
Don't be too envious of others, the life you have now may also be the envy of others. What we have to do is to cherish the moment, what you have is the best.
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