People, all the pain comes from you want to control things you can't control.
Why am I so sure? Someone should say that this person is very arrogant, quite capable of pretending, and looking uncomfortable.
Don't be upset yet, I said this sentence is justified.
My pain, needless to say, there is no such flashy rhetoric to pile up. Too much, it seems that he is very hypocritical.
But I really know that everyone is like this, whose life is still smooth sailing? Impossible.
The college entrance examination, the usual level of 211, did not perform well, his mentality burst, and he went to an ordinary undergraduate.
Feelings, I want to catch up with the girl I like, and give my brainlessly to become a licking dog. In the end, the girl stays with others.
In life, the heart is always high, and I want to get the best, but I am always downcast for a little bit of things.
You say that life is so painful, I admit it.
I also don't want to use some chicken soup to infuse you. In the end, it's just your blood boiled, but there is no substantial help.
I'll talk to you about the pain in life. Put your ears up and listen carefully!
01 Let me talk about the first one. Why is life so painful?
When you post your results, you are often a few points lower than others, and you feel depressed and unwilling.
When you are working with colleagues, you will feel angry and jealous if you get different appreciation and recognition for the same effort.
When you like someone, do everything possible to get her through hard work, and you will feel pain if you don't get it.
Feelings, this matter is very complicated, and there is a lot of pain, and it comes from each other. Let's not discuss this matter first, let's talk about the most common pain first.
Pain comes from you want to control things you can't control!
What does that mean?
People like to be greedy, they like to get better things.
Maybe you don't know it yourself, you subtly think that what you can't get is the best.
You want to accomplish a thing, achieve a goal, these are your wishes.
So you start to make plans, think about strategies, and work out everything. As long as things go like this, you can reach your goals smoothly.
However, the reality is that there are very few things accomplished in this way.
Because - you have calculated the world thoroughly, it's useless to think it through, and the earth doesn't rotate as you want.
When these sudden events break your original plan, when the reality does not match your plan or is a little bit different, you will feel uncomfortable!
See if you want to control things that you can't control, causing pain.
for example:
Driving today, if someone jumps in line to say goodbye to you, you will get angry and yell at you. This XX driver, can't you line up?
Driving today, if someone jumps in line to say goodbye to you, you will get angry and yell at you. This XX driver, can't you line up?
You want to change this person, and you want him to follow the rules while driving.
This is not wrong, but if you want to know what he does, you cannot control it. If you want to control him and fail to meet your requirements, you will feel anger and pain.
Simpler:
You have to control things--)You can't control this thing--) produce pain and unwillingness
So, most of the pain in life comes from this mechanism. I have experienced a lot of pain, and I think carefully about the conclusions drawn.
Having said that, let me tell you another example:
Each of us is an individual. Everyone's heart is full of possessive and controlling desires. In your own world, you yourself are the king, and you want everyone to follow your orders. But, have you considered one thing. Each of us is a king in our own world.
We all hope that others can accomplish things and control others according to our ideas.
However, this often leads to conflicts.
In relationships, many times you don’t understand each other. Because of this principle, you want each other to act according to your own ideas, but things are always counterproductive, contradictory, quarreling, handling bad words, or even breaking up.
Let me give another example:
Your object is outside and comes back very late.
Woman: Are you still fooling around outside, can't you come back earlier? I want you to accompany me
——) From my own perspective, I want to change others.
Man: I drink outside for this family. How can I make money without remuneration? You should understand me!
——) From your own perspective, you want the other person to be someone who understands you.
In this way, contradictions arise.
It's not terrible, it's not bad, most people are like this.
Human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and it is understandable to say that it is selfish.
So, there is no need to be afraid of suffering, because don’t we have a solution?
You should definitely say that there is no solution, is it still called dry text?
02 is talking about the second, painful solution.
Well, when you feel pain, you feel that you are suffering from comparison with others. At this time, you need to calm down.
People are more angry than people. Isn't it, we can't do this.
1. Don't control things you can't control.
so easy right!
However, many people don't know what is beyond their control.
Here, here is a simple algorithm: things that involve other people's participation can't be controlled.
What we can control, isn't it ourselves?
Isn't it ourselves that we can change?
If you can’t change others, then change yourself!
Agree to one thing, it will be painful for you to think this way, but not for another way of thinking. for example:
Suppose, you were deceived, thousands of dollars and tens of thousands of dollars.
A, Fuck, it's really annoying, the liar is really damn, I have to find him and get it back.
B, Oh, it’s the experience of life. It’s the first time I came into the world. I was tricked into paying tuition once. It’s a good thing to be able to make progress. Which one do you think is better, is actually the B option, which is a positive and optimistic attitude.
Being deceived has already happened, and the subsequent handling can be handed over to the police, but your mentality is very important. This is the point of changing the pain.
In short: do your best and obey the fate. 2. Don't compare, compare with yourself
People like to compare. If you don't say anything about others, you will feel more or less jealous in your heart.
When you compare with others, you will feel cancer and suffering.
Oh, he has changed his shoes again, the latest limited edition, I want it too, I can’t lose to him.
Oops, she changed a new iPhone, mine is almost out of use, and I have to get another one.
Oops, the food in the circle of friends she posted is very good, although the conditions are not good enough, she still has a hearty meal to take pictures. To be honest, the act of hitting a swollen face to fill a fat man is really ridiculous.
On the contrary, it is you, your real life, is more attractive.
Truth does not mean that you live Lin Yan and don't pay attention to it, but that you live exquisitely within your abilities, just fine.
for example:
You, a boy, although you don't have much money, can you put on a mask for maintenance?
You, a girl, although you don't have much money, can you paint a light makeup and learn to take pictures to improve your taste?
I mean, no matter how good other people are, they are also other people, and it has nothing to do with me.
Your extra jealousy will show your incompetence and the strength of others!
You have to say, I just can't control myself, I have to compare it all at once.
Yes, compare yourself!
Compared with yesterday's self, is there any improvement?
Compared with the self before, is it growing?
When you really make progress, when you look back on the past and feel that you have changed a lot, you will feel that you once were very strange.
3. Change the perspective of the problem and face it with a positive attitude
A lot of people, I said that many people are very negative.
One thing, I started complaining if I didn't do it.
As long as you complain, it is negative energy, which makes people feel particularly uncomfortable.
What I want to say is that to change this kind of pain, you have to learn to look at the problem from a positive perspective.
for example:
You haven't eaten this restaurant. You tried it once. It's awful. You feel like you've been pitted.
A, I went, it was too horrible, I was really cheated to death, and I won't come again next time. --)pessimistic
B. Although I don’t like it very much, how can I know if I like it or not if I don’t try? —) Optimistic
See, the two ways of thinking about problems are different from the two angles, and feeling the pain is different.
You have to learn to express what you have seen the good gains, instead of telling the bad things. Everything is good and bad.
For example, in this tube answer, it is certain that many people read the article from a critical point of view, and then prick them. Such people are very pitiful.
He will not express the advantages and gains he sees, but will only criticize the mistakes of others, which is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence.
03Finally, let's talk about the advice of life
I'm just talking about my opinion, it doesn't matter if you are not willing to disagree, just live what you want.
1. Do everything and obey the fate.
I don’t think too much about things that I can’t control. It’s annoying to think too much. It’s better to do the present and let everything come.
2. Learn to encourage and praise others
I found that many people around me would only criticize others, saying that they did not do well, but in fact they are not good at them. Criticizing others will definitely make people feel unhappy and disgusted. Smarter people will learn to encourage others.
In an environment surrounded by critical sounds, how valuable is a little affirmation and praise?
If you do this, you will become a popular person.
3. Continuous review and summary
The review summary is the fastest way to make progress.
Life, study, feelings, work.
The things you have experienced have gradually become the nourishment for your growth. It depends on whether you are willing to absorb and grow.
I always reflect on the whole process when I fail to make the failure meaningful.
Next time, I can't do this, it is wrong to do so, and I need a better solution.
This is the foundation of progress.
Finally, I'm talking about laziness, many people have it.
What's the matter, let's talk about it first.
Only if you do it first can you be qualified to say it. It's not easy.
After you did it, the wonderful discovery was not as difficult as you thought.
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